Guide to Capturing your own Bishi or girl- attack on titan
by Kill teh peoplez
Summary: Every Tuesday and Friday, i will post a new guide to help you capture each character on attack on titan. Have you ever had problems abducting Levi? Does Erens annoying Titan transforming powers ruin your fangirl fun? Well not anymore with my guide to a perfect kidnap! T because im talking about ABDUCTION!
1. Itruduction

Welcome to the guide to help you maintain captivity of your favorite person from attack on titan. Im your expert here to tell you the tips and tricks to get anyone you want! If your a beginner, its ok, because this guide will help you, easy!

Ill talk about how to capture Eren, Levi, Mikasa, Armin, Jean and all the other characters too!

Just to give you a demonstration, I've captured Eren, to show you all! "Let me go!"

"Hahah, im afraid i cant do that Eren. You see, i have a maintenance to keep up, so i have to keep you for longer then twenty four hours to beat the record if i want to become "best fangirl". Ill let you go when its all over."

Remember people, I've been a fangirl for years, so i know how to fight off the girls. Sometimes word will get out that i have Eren stuck in my closet, and they will hunt me down and try to get the "treasure" for themselves. Luckily I'm a black belt in karate and other combat styles.

Enough about me and Eren in my closet, time to tell you how you can participate! If you've been having troubles catching anyone from attack on titan, send me the questions on private message and ill answer them during the next chapter, which will probably be posted every Tuesday and Saturday (dates may change), depending on my schedule. Please review, follow, and favorite for more chapters. Please abduct responsibly.


	2. Eren

So you want Eren to be yours? Well then follow this guide and find out how to capture him!

Name(s): Eren Jaeger, Eren Jäger, Yeager, monster, Titan.

Age: 15 march 30 835

Hight: 170cm Weight: 63kg (how do people know this crap!?)

Family: Mikasa- adopted sister  
Carla Yeager- Mother, dead  
Grisha Yeager- Father

Owners so far (in past and present): present owner "kill teh peoplez", (pm me to get your name written here!)

Capturing Eren, will probably be the hardest, because he is the main character, and will probably have many, many, many more FanGirls then other characters. That's just the beginning of your problems if you choose to abduct him, your probably going to need to know martial arts, because FanGirls, are 100000x worse then any titans. Besides the fact that you will likely be attacked while carrying him around, Eren could also turn into a titan to get away from you. All he needs to do is bight his hand. To avoid this, i suggest tying him up, very well. The next obstacle, is something i like to call "attack on Mikasa". Yes, I am talking about the overly protective adopted sister. She will stop at nothing to get Eren. Beware of her. I suggest hypnotizing Eren to say he is ok to her. Other then that, I'm not quite sure... Last way i could think of is group kidnapping, but that might be too risky. Some FanGirls might steal him for them self. Make sure he isnt armed if your going to attack. if you don't have the element of surprise, then thats going to be hard for you as well. If your an expert like me, you won't need anything but a bottle of silly string, and some spit, but I'm not going to get into how to do that. Something's are better left unsaid.

Now that you've learned how to obtain the Eren species, you now need to know what to do with him afterwards. So you've managed to get him in your closet. Gold star! Just kidding! Your not even close to making sure he is yours for longer then five minuets. Make sure his hands are tied up, and separated so he can't scratch his hands, and his legs are as well. If he is harmed in any way, your screwed. Unless... You earn his trust before capturing him. That might work, as long as Armin isn't there to say "she's crazy." And blah blah blah, motivational speech. Another way to avoid him being harmed is to put him in a protective bubble and wrap him in bubble wrap. Anything with bubbles has to be safe.

So he is kept safe. That's another check off the list, but you still haven't learnt everything to get that gold star! Remember, he is a human, so he is going to need food. If your really want i let your fangirl out, you can feed him yourself. Just in case, don't feed him anything that could make him bleed. Hard candy, popcorn, chips, and whatever other hard or sharp food thing you can think of! You can feed him apple sauce, but be careful with the spoon. Anything that involves eating with utensils is probably a bad idea. Even corn isn't save. He could get corn stuck in his teeth, and then he would have to floss, and then that could cause extensive bleeding in his gums. Drinks are normally ok, but make sure your glass is safe of sharp edges, because he could cut his lip. It's best to do it yourself as well. He could brake it and cut himself.

Done with food, now with bathroom issues. If he keeps asking to go, he probably wants to ether escape, or your giving him way too much to drink. You can solve this dilemma by letting out your inner fangirl and watch him go, and then wiping for him. That would limit the amounts of times he goes. The problem is, it makes things awkward between you two, and puts you in a situation that a kidnapper doesn't want to have with their prisoner. You could give him the old "bucket". Besides taking care of your "business", he might smell after a long time without bathing. You once again could wash him yourself, or hypnotize him to do it himself, or you can say "smell doesn't matter!" Even though your dyeing inside.

Now that Erens, safety, hygiene,and food, is covered, now we need to talk about entertainment. Your going to need to keep Eren entertained if you want to get anywhere. Don't use anything that might be an online game, that involves a helmet, and you may or may not be trapped inside it until you defeat the game. That's a different story though. Talking to him is a good way to pass the time. Your going to need to spend all of your time in order to fulfill Erens needs.

That is a way you can catch Eren. QUESTION TIME!

"When i try to seduce Eren, he doesn't seem to notice! What can i do!?"

Well, you may know this, but Eren, isn't exactly a "ladies man". He is more interested in destroying titans, then girls. That sounds extremely wrong, and i apologies for that. The best answer i can give you is "hypnosis". It may not be "true love", but that crap takes too long anyway.

"Help! FANGIRLS ARE SURROUNDING MY HOUSE!"

Well unless you know martial arts, or have a very high powered weapon, i suggest you GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE!

Thank you for reading! PM me to ask a question. Next chapter, Mikasa.


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